Found this thanks to John, now all I have to find is my old xanga and my forgotten memories will be 'favorited' away.

So I've basically forgotten about David altogether however when I think of him I don't really get sad, a little jealous but I just don't really want him in my life. It's not that I hate him, it's just better not thinking about him, y'know. It makes me upset that I can't remember us being together - how we were as a couple. I can't remember his touch, his kiss, the things we talked about for hours. How horrible am I?

My room is almost finally clean. Preston is coming over in a couple of minutes. I have to study for finals. He'll help, kind of.
I saw some pics of Dave and I that got me sad. Hopefully I'll eventually get over him. I probably won't. Most people know I'm still in love with him. I want to let go but I can't. 

On a brighter note: Preston's coming over! I'd like to be hugging him right now. I need hugs =).

ellejayyyy

'tis the end of sophmore year in 3 days, I'm very exciteddddddddddddd.
The seniors are leaving =(, the new ones basically suck.
I gots to do soooo much today, but I'm one of the laziest, however at the same time most hard-working (secretly) person you'll meet.

What an entry!

These old entries made me cry.
I'm so fucking sad right now.

Today was awesome!!! Dave and I didn't see Star Wars but yeah, lol. That bitch, I hate you sooo much honey. I was sad for no reason these past two days. lol, Long story. I got to his job around 2:30 and waited around until a while, a looong while but Martin his manager gave me free food. We walked for a couple of blocks and took a bus for 5 blocks and went to get his check from the other BK. He got about 240 dollars this week not counting his overtime. He took two posters from BK of Star Wars, lol. His mom was being the usual bitch, and after she made us cash his check we came home and I dressed up Cupcake, lol, I showed Dave my new comic book bra that I bought with Mandi and then the Cable guy came to install it for his neighbor so we were distracted but no worries! We then took a bath...yes Sarah...naked!, lol, then his mom was yelling after we finished that she was going grocery shopping with Alex. We had more fun and then slept. But my dad was waiting 20 minutes outside since I was asleep and his mom came home and woke us up. Then in the car ride I was talking on the phone the whole time with my mom and/or David so my dad didn't yell at me. I finished packing for Costa. See ya in a week!
xoxo
Chanel

Oooo oooo oooo! I forgot to write. Amanda and I went shopping and during that we bought David's dog, well actually his brothers but whatever! a pink small heart nametag, a cute little red dress with a skull in the middle, and its scented! and a collar with dog bones on it, all thats missing is the leash!, lol, I WILL succeed in painting that dogs nails today. Named after me by my wishes, Cupcake!, lol.
xoxox
Chanel

lol, okay guys I know you're worried but everything's okay now. Okay????, lol. The only reason I'm stressed right now is becase I don't know what to pack =P. Imma see Star Wars today with Dave! ahh! Du naaaaa, na na na naaaaa na

The nightmares scared me. They frightened me so much. I think their doing it on purpose. Giving me these dreams. Sleep is relaxing. Waking up. Just to fall asleep again and dream something worse. Waking up one last time. Closing your eyes. Trying to finish the ending of the horror. If these dreams became reality. Then I will forever be truly dead inside. I have to pack for Costa Rica and fix my room so I can go out today. I want to hurt someone or something. Physically of course. But I can't. It's too wrong. I'll just punch a wall.
No X's, No O's
I can't hug or kiss anything.
-
Chanel

I'm going to die soon. It's a fact. Someone wished it with all their heart and what's left of their soul. Kind of funny...I can feel it happening soon...I can't wait...I just don't want to go to hell...It's all real. If you don't believe. Trust me if you can or don't but just listen that it is real.
oooo,
Chanel

I was tracing above my clavicle with an Xacto knife and I don't remember although it just happened. I did something to it while putting it down I think. I lost memory of it. But it flew back and hit me under my right nostril, and ithurts a little. I've been unlucky lately. This morning I woke up, and the entire room was spinning, I couldn't get a hold of it.
oooo,
Chanel

My full body mirror hit my shoulder. It hurt for about 30 seconds. Tomorrow will be a day. I don't feel like going to Costa Rica anymore. I really don't. I can't wait until I get back. To stay in my room all day just to sleep my summer away will be pure bliss. If not I'll kill myself. Quickly though. I'm listening to Alkaline Trio. I like them despite I'm embarassed to say so, somewhat. I don't care. I shouldn't. No ones opinion should matter. No one should hurt me for their own pleasure and admit it. No one should treat me this way. Pretend to forgive and never forget. Eating me away slowly. I hate you all just for simply hating me. I can't apologize for anything. I should not have to apologize for anything. I have to clean my room. Otherwise, I can't go out tomorrow. I want to beat the shit out of someone. I can't let it out though. I can't hurt anybody. I can't do something so wrong. I just have to let it on myself. I can't hurt anyone. I won't let myself. If I do, I'll take it back and hurt myself back. No need for you to do so. I need to scrap away my peeling sun burn. I have to be pretty enough. I have to. I might shave my thigh, over the cuts. It'll hurt. You all will be happy.

"you told me that you want to die. i said i've been there myself more than a few times. and i go back every once in a while. you called me lucky you, you called me lucky. you said tonight is a wonderful night to die. i asked you how you could tell, you told me to look at the sky. look at all those stars, look at how goddamn ugly the stars are. it's one or another. between a rope and a bottle. i can tell you're having trouble breathing, cause you'll never be o.k., you'll never be o.k. (you'll always be in pain). you'll always feel this way. cause things they never work out right (the wrong way, the lonely way). you'll always be in pain. you told me that the daylight burned you and that the sunrise was enough to kill you. i said maybe you're a vampire. you said it's quite possible, i feel truly dead inside. it's one or another. between a rope and a bottle. i can tell you're having trouble breathing, cause you'll never be o.k., you'll never be o.k. (you'll always be in pain). you'll always feel this way. cause things they never work out right (the wrong way, the lonely way). you'll always be in pain. don't forget to let your life rot you inside out. don't forget to let your life rot you inside out. don't forget to let your life rot you inside out."

Trouble Breathing
Alkaline Trio

I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not pretty enough. It's not fair. Why can't I be more than pretty enough? Why can't I be enough? Damn it, tell me why.

"I shat the bed. I lied there in it. Thinking of you. Wide awake for days...Wide awake for days..."

No x's, I just want o's
oooo
Chanel

Okay so at Amanda's house yesterday I was supposed to study for finals but I didn't and it was sooooo fucking easy. I was like "Amanda, can I jump off the roof of your shack onto the trampoline" because she always does & I never do, she said sure because she wanted a picture. So I get up there and avoid a hole while passing by and I change my mind and turn around. Her mom wasn't home & she's always yelling "Get off that fucking roof, it'll collapse one day!" and well...I turned around and my foot fell into the hole, my entire leg, it hurt...so fucking bad, worse than being set on fire. So I sat there and just said "Ow"...Amanda cracked up, I pulled it out and scratched my leg bad, there's still dirt I can't get out, you can't see it that well in the pics because it looks smaller. Now, there are a couple bruises as well as it being swelled up making have another curve on one side of my body.
xoxo
Chanel

Lalala!, I dunno I'm bored and lively, hmm....I'll take a bath, lol, on Sunday Imma see Davie, I might today, we're going to see Alkaline Trio for his birthday, I played the songs for him and he only likes one but w/e, lol, and Imma buy him a shitload of things, he's gonna buy me a PSP, just because...I don't know why, lol, and Imma buy Tyfany's puppy because I can't wait. I have like 10 tests+quizzes to make up in school, hmm...broken home...lol, gotta hate this family yet love them and pity them, long story not worth sharing
xoxo
Chanel Vasi

I've missed school all this week except for Tuesday, David gave me pink eye, in both eyes, and my throat kills so bad I can't even cough, I'll cry if I do. David came over after work yesterday, he was supposed to go home at 4 but instead he told his mom he gets out at 6, I made him stay until 9 and he got home at 12, =) and today was his real first day, they're not paying him right because they're only giving him 6.50 when he unloads the truck at 5am and should get paid more, lol, his manager told him so but to not tell anyone she told him, her name is Wanda, lol, I imagine the fairy. I'm gonna try to go to his house today or tomorrow. I rented Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory a couple days ago and by today I should finish it, I only have two more missions. I thought interims were on Wednesday so I wasn't that worried about it but they showed up today and I have an A in Science, A- in French, C+ in English...I have to raise that, most likely an A in S.S. and really bad in math in guessing since I still haven't taken a test and two quizzes.
xoxo
Chanel

I saw David on Friday and Saturday, it was okay, could've been better, he's coming over today most likely and he has a job interview at...BURGER KING!, lol, it's a job for now, and I'm applying for Publix today, that'll be fun...lol, I'm sick, David has a really weird sickness and I'm hoping that's what I have b/c you can die from it, but Dave is getting better, so, lol, it's pink eye turning to both red eyes/muscle pain/arthritis/sore throat/fever/itching eyes, etc., weeeee!, so far my throat kills, =)

I'm so bored, I'm at school right now thinking 'bout David but Imma see him on Saturday, he's coming over to my house. Tomorrow I'm going to the GreenDay concert, I was invited by Sarah & Daniela G. is going too. It'll be interesting, lol. Then Imma go to Warped Tour with Sarah, and if Audioslave ends up playing here Imma go with David. I'm going to Ozzfest with David and the NIN concert. Dave is gonna go to Warped Tour too, lol, he isn't too thrilled though. I wanted to see Slipknot =( damn San Fran. Well hmm...I drew him a picture in the art room yesterday with water color. It's of me holding three shopping bags and a creit card and Dave laying under a pile of my shopping bags, lol, I was bored and couldn't think of anything else. I'm going to sye my hair black either today or tomorrow depending on my mood, I have to finish cleaning my room and bathroom and water the plants and other shit if I wanna go to Daves house but I want to despite I really really need sleep. I bought new Cookie Monster boxers and to make him the Veggie Monster now ruins the memories of Sesame Street despite I have none of it, lol, but y'know. I bought Cookie monster & Elmo boy briefs too, they're cool. I despise this one teacher Tyfany has, Mr. Breedlove, he's gay and a dance teacher, how funny, well anyway I was jumping up & down the chair and it made a squeaky noise and I screamed Sarah because it's an inside joke from San Fran when Caroline and her were trying to make the bed make that noise by humping it, lol, and he waws like "Buh-bye"..."But, I won't make anymore.." "Buy-bye" *waving at me like closing & opening his hand*. Later on the people in that class told me that he said out loud to Sarah that she should choose better friends and he told the Vice-Principal I made a disruption by "humping the chair" and that's what she told me, and I was so fucking pissed, I said I was jumping up and down you moth*muffled cursings*

Going home finally at 5 from school
xoxo
Chanel

All of a sudden I feel down, but no matter, I really don't care about myself that much anymore, Amanda is such a bitch, Tyfany can't keep one secret and can never return your things, David I love, I see no flaws in Fabiola, Ashley's abusive, Sarah is "special", lol, hmm...Terner is conceided, Gabby is cruel, Ceci never speaks, Aliya is okay but online Sh'Iz aLl GhEtTo, Zena scares me, lol, Jordan has beautiful hair, Jenna is sweet and stylish, Shelby is quiet and innocent, Alexia is special as well, lol, Lauren is annoying, Lina is strong but she can say mean things, Angie is gone in the wind, lol, I'd wanna speak to her again but in my mind there's nothing to say, I love my brother, Ariel's mom seems like a whore, Ariel is nice to me, Chrissy is bitchy about me hanging out with her and then talking to the "unpopular people" so is Jane and Ariel, Arielle seems like such a nice, beautiful girl but she actually hates a lot of people, Nikki is cool, Jeanine is a cool person but she, I don't know is not the type of person I'd speak with, Carla is the class clown and she's hilarious but is never serious, Becca is a bitch, I am a selfish, procrastinating, judgemental, beautiful, caring, clean freak, bitch who doesn't know what she wants, talks about herself in the third person, has no friends, but no matter what, my family loves me, so does David, and most importantly
I love myself.
xoxox
~Chanel Maxine Nikki(Camacho)Vasi~